


From Dusk 'till Dawn

by Mamogirl



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Angst, Character almost dead, Heart Attacks, Hospital, I did it again, M/M, emotional angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 21:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17588798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamogirl/pseuds/Mamogirl
Summary: All of them had worried about Brian’s voice, worried about that silent monster that could make more damage in an unknown future, and none of them had ever thought that it would had been Brian’s heart the fault of his ultimate fall.





	From Dusk 'till Dawn

 

From Dusk ‘till Dawn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Cause you’ll never be alone  
I’ll be waiting from dusk ‘till dawn_

 

 

Waiting.

That was all he could at the moment.

That was all he had been able to do from dusk ‘till dawn in the past days.

Just waiting. And hoping.

Just waiting. And praying.

Silence filled the room, casting its cold blanket upon its habitants; somewhere far a clock was tickling down seconds and minutes, ready to strike another hour that had passed by with nothing happening. They said it was a good thing but how could nothing be good?

How could waiting be something… helpful?

Silence kept its reign, slowly taking trace of how many dawns and dusts were passing by. Sometimes, though, some noises managed to break free, letting it that real life that was still going on outside those four white and pale walls: chattering, people walking by and talking about mundane things, those small memories that attacked his mind as if they wanted to rip his soul with all he was going to miss if...

The thought never managed to be completed, hushed mute as soon as it started to raise its head within his brain. It was just horrible, heart-wrenching images that didn’t need to be brought alive because reality was already a living nightmare.

But it was just impossible to just wait and hope, pray. And not be scared of the silence, for it meant that nothing had changed; it was impossible not be scared of those desperate cries that, sometimes, were the only sounds that could be heard coming from the outside, wrenching his heart in a death grip because it could happen even inside those walls.

Inside that room.

What if…?

So he waited. From dusk ‘till dawn, barely leaving that seat because he didn’t want to leave _him_ alone.

What if he would wake up and he wasn’t there?

What if something else happened and he couldn’t be there?

So he stayed. And waited. And let his mind be eaten alive by regrets and memories, going round and round and never straying away from that fateful day when the nightmare started to cross his wires around their lives.

No one could had prevented it.

No one could had foretold what was going to happen, how their lives were about to change in a blink.

Had there been warning signs?

Should had he been aware that something was off?

Maybe. That was the worst when one was left with only his thoughts and regrets: doubts started to creep in, sneaking their way between the holes left by desperation and agony; waves of feeling guilty washed over, trying to swallow you down until you needed to fight for just a breath of air.

But there wasn’t air. There wasn’t light, neither the warm sun that was about to come inside as soon as the day would start its daily journey.

He should had been more attentive.

He should had been less selfish, less concerned about if and when he was going to be asked about that case that wasn’t going to go away as he had wished and prayed for so long.

But he didn’t because Brian, as always, fooled him too well.

Or, maybe, this time even Brian got fooled by his own body and his own heart.

Did he know?

That was the question that kept screaming inside Nick’s head.

Did Brian know and didn’t say anything to them? Had he been afraid that they were going to stop all the press and the tour?

Had he been afraid that it was going to be the last strike and he was going to be kicked out of the group?

Had he been afraid that he, Nick, might would leave him behind again?

Did Brian know and didn’t trust him? Again?

Those questions couldn’t be answered, unless Brian finally opened his eyes and told him that he had been worrying too much for nothing. Those questions couldn’t be answered, unless Nick would wake up and realize that it was just another nightmare, another bad dream born from his fear of losing the most important person in his life.

But Nick, this time, knew that Brian hadn’t been hiding. He could remember his face, his expression when everything crumbled down and, suddenly, nothing else mattered but keeping him breathing and alive. Brian had been scared. Brian had this shocked expression inside his eyes, a sheer of panic and deathly fear that told how he hadn’t believed or thought that his heart could pull out a prank like that.

Shivers ran through Nick’s spine, an icy feeling that pooled deep down and almost made him sick. Again. One moment Brian had been full of life, his eyes sparkling with an happiness that was hard and difficult to describe: Nick had never met someone that could be that happy as Brian was despite everything happening and that voice that still didn’t want to go back at what it was and should keep being. One moment Brian was laughing at something that Kevin just said, a joke that never got old and poor Howie turning red: Nick had felt his heart grow bigger, filled with a love that just now he was able to take in and accept as something that destiny and fate owned him.

Then everything stopped.

It lasted five seconds.

Five seconds and Nick’s world was lying on the floor, barely breathing and barely alive. Five seconds and Nick’s heart almost stopped as well, following the same steps that Brian’s heart was walking at the speed of light. Five seconds and everything changed, destroyed as if a building had collapsed and covered everything with its grey ashes and dust: Brian had been Nick’s pillar of strength, Brian had been that corner stone that had built an entire world upon his shoulders.

Five seconds and waited had become Nick’s new life: waiting, hoping, praying and wondering if it could had been stopped.

Why didn’t he notice before?

Why didn’t no one notice before?

How could anyone notice that something was wrong? They had all been tired, exhausted down to their bones because they weren’t young anymore and dancing and travelling day after day was taking a toll on their bodies. But now Nick could point out that Brian had been way more tired than usual, way more tired that it should have raised warning bells but they had been silenced by that smile that could always win over everything.

How a fool Nick had been!

Waiting and wondering, now Nick knew that something had been wrong for more than a few days. Did Brian know? Did Brian feel that something was off? Or had they been just worried about his voice and his issues that they just overlooked what should had been clear for everyone?

So Nick waited. From dusk till dawn and then back again from dawn to dusk. Nick waited, hoping for the chance to tell Brian how sorry he was because, once again, he had failed in taking care of him.

So Nick waited for Brian to wake up and it seemed as if waiting for Brian had been what he had been doing all of his life, as strange and weird as it could be.

But it was the truth.

Nick had been waiting for Brian, for someone like him, even before Brian came into his life: he had waited for that perfect half of his soul, that matching heart that was going to make his life complete and perfect: two voices that blended in harmony, two melodies that had matching notes and implied words that only their ears could hear and comprehend.

Nick had been waiting for Brian to make the first step, to take a leap of faith into something that could had been the best thing ever or, on the contrary, could destroy their lives and everything they had been working so far. And then he had waited for Brian to come back, to forgive him for just not being there when he had needed him the most; he had waited for Brian to come and save him from his own demons and monsters, for going around and search love in the wrong places. Nick had waited for Brian to raise up again, although this time he had been by his side every step of the way, every seatback and every night that felt like things were finally going back at what they used to be.

And so he waited once again, this time more desperate that he would ever imagine it was possible to be.

All of them had worried about Brian’s voice, worried about that silent monster that could make more damage in an unknown future, and none of them had ever thought that it would had been Brian’s heart the fault of his ultimate fall.

And now… now Nick could just wait. Second after second. Minute after minute. Hour after hour, never leaving Brian’s side, never leaving him alone in that defying silence. He was going to wait for whatever was going to happen, although his mind couldn’t accept nothing more than Brian waking up and looking at him with those blue eyes, scolding him because he should had been home resting or already ready to go back to the stage.  

Nick waited another dawn and another dusk.

And hoped.

And prayed for a miracle.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And... I'm finally back!  
> And how could I not be back with nothing else but an angst story? lol


End file.
